We all have friends we try to stay away from, not because we don’t cherish friendship, but let’s be honest; being around them can drain you. From the drama queens to the soul-sucking vampires, navigating these relationships can be tricky.
When we were young, we were more focused on making as many friends as we could. As we get older, we become more picky with who we spend our time with. We start searching for friends who lift us up rather than putting us down. Life is short, why spend time with those who drain us right? We want to spend time with those who enrich us in different ways and those who share the same values.
Since entering my 30s, I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting on who I want to spend time with and who I don’t. Upon my reflections, I’ve come up with a list of five types of friends I don’t want to be around.
1. The Toxic One
First up, the toxic friend. The one who sails your ship into the storms with their complaints and endless drama. They’re the type to drag you down into their depths of constant negativity. We’ve all had this friend — hell, we could have even been that friend at one point too.
We’ve all heard the term “misery loves company,” and this friend is the embodiment of that phrase. They relish in the negative energy and have no plans on leaving that space. They love the drama that follows them and drags you into them. Look, we all make mistakes, but it’s one thing to learn from them and continually make them. These are the friends that have no intention of improving themselves, and they definitely do not want to see you make any self-improvement.
If we constantly surround ourselves with this type of friend, we’ll become drained and potentially never get out of negative situations ourselves. If you have a friend whose life is like a soap opera, it may be time for you to exit stage right.
2. The Manipulative One
Next up, we have the manipulative friend. The one that views all their friends as chess pieces. They are always steps ahead and know how to pull all the strings. Guilt trips? Gaslighting? There is nothing they won’t do to make you pay their bill, do them favours and somehow make you think that it’s a privilege.
If you’ve felt like you’ve been taken advantage of, you may have that manipulative friend. At some point in our lives, we may suffer from some level of self-esteem issues. These “friends” can sniff this out and take full advantage, giving you the feeling that you owe them for just being around you. This is where we should tell ourselves that it’s time to let this relationship go.
There will be no benefits to you whatsoever, no matter what you tell yourself. This type of friend doesn’t deserve your friendship. Everything you do, you do for them and you’re left feeling empty. If you want a happier life, it’s best to cut this friend out of your life.
3. The Clingy One
Ah, the clingy friend. This friend is more of a nuisance. They may have just met you or have been around for some time, but they mistook your friendship as an exclusive relationship. They have no sense of personal space or boundaries.
This type of friend is very high maintenance. They always want to be with you, no matter where you are in the world. They push themselves into your schedule and may even want access to your personal calendar. In some ways, they become possessive of you, only want you to hang out with them and no one else.
It can definitely be draining to keep saying no to this friend. You constantly need to remind them that you’re both adults with busy lives and dare I say, other friends too.
It’s cute having a clingy cat or dog, but it never is to have a clingy human. You don’t necessarily need to be rid of this friend forever, but you definitely need to lay a solid foundation of boundaries and stick to them.
4. The Jealous One
Then we have the jealous friends. Similar to the toxic friend, this friend won’t allow you to grow as a person. They will do their best to drag you down to their level. Everything you do, they will have a way of giving you a backhanded compliment. They love comparing themselves to you.
They will also see what you do and try to do better than you, even if they don’t have the means to do it, just to brag. For example, if you get a big promotion and can afford a Jaguar, they will put you down but somehow try to get the same thing.
It’s one thing to be a realist and point out the negative side of things, but these friends will take every moment to point out something wrong. They will make you feel like you are never enough or be too much and yet they want what you have. These friends are exhausting and can potentially harm your personal growth and mental health. It is best to say goodbye to this envious friend if you want to be happier.
5. The Boring One
Lastly, we got the boring friend. There’s nothing wrong with these friends, and it sounds a bit mean to admit, but sometimes it’s best to let go. Time is precious, and spending time with people who add no value can also be draining.
These are the friends who have nothing in common with you and watching paint dry is more fun than hanging out with them. They don’t have any passion for any hobbies besides drinking, sleeping and eating. Even with alcohol, their idea of fun seem to be as fun as watching grass grow.
Do not expect stimulation and interesting talks with this friend. Your deepest conversation will be deciding if Tom Hiddleston is hotter than Benedict Cumberbatch. Look, there may have been a time when these friends were good friends, but all you have now are memories of the past.
You don’t need to let this friend go fully, but having nothing in common and trying to push for conversation can be mentally draining. There’s only so much time in a day; best to spend it wisely with those who can help you be a better person. Whether through an engaging conversation or doing fun activities together.
Navigating the World of Friendship
It’s almost like dating when it comes to making friends. Without the romantic aspect, you want friends with whom you can enrich each other’s lives. Navigating this world may be complicated and frustrating, but it will all come with time. After all, people come and go throughout our whole lives.
Your friends will reflect you as a person and where you are in life. By learning more about yourself, you will find friends who fit the spectrum. You can even help your current friends become the best versions of themselves (or slightly less annoying).
Here’s to finding balance and a lifetime of friendship. Cheers!
